A book for the girls who made potions

I am keeping this as spoiler free as possible because this book has made me such a Blake Crouch hater that I must spread my hate to as many people as possible. take it off your TBRs people!!! I will not rest until you have.

this whole book is a bullet point list of the thoughts, dialogue and plot of a better sci-fi book. This includes a great cast of characters, such as; Man, Wife and Teenager. Later, we are even blessed with Woman and Villain.

Wife: so horny and in love with the MMC. Her only personality trait besides liking art. Her husband is the only thing in her life that means anything, makes no decisions for herself, he is her whole world. Questions nothing and no one. Does what she's told.

Man: Jason is an absolute nothing-burger of an MMC. He is soooooo stupid smart (which we know, because he understands Schrödinger's cat and Crouch dedicated a page in a half for Jason to explain that to us like it isn't the most famous thought experiment in the world) but instead spends this whole book stumbling around and being thrown in one direction on the other by outside forces, never doing anything remotely smart or cunning. I started rooting against him because he annoyed me so bad.

And finally, Teenager:

...that's not a mistake I just can't think of a single thing to describe that character.

The only reason this wasn't a DNF is because it was such an offensively easy read. I had to work for NOTHING in this book.

The writing was...ugh. Everything seems to come back around to sex or lust. Why am I reading page after page dissecting the quality of the sex Wife and Man are having?

It features numerous cringe inducing lines such as:

It felt like the first time you had really seen me. The first time anyone had really seen me. It was the hottest thing

Hottest???? Hottest. Whatever.

Being with Daniella isn't like home. It is home

There is barely a sentence longer than 6 words in this whole book. And every page, every bit of excruciating internal dialogue from the MMC looks like this:

I go to the shop I miss my wife I am...sad Angry No money Grr

Useless side characters that get written in and out in a line, no imagery, no atmosphere, no....intelligence. If I had written this I wouldnt show it to my postman let alone my publisher. And the fact that this is now a TV show? AND going to be a movie!?!?!? I've seen enough. Blake Crouch I am in your WALLS

Unlike any fantasy book I've ever read, Jemisin has reminded me that there is a difference between those who write books, and writers who tell stories.