Romancing the Inanimate
Proof that romance novels are for everyone...even your furniture? DISCLAIMER: These are not for the weak of heart and are usually pretty spicy... and very strange.
I am not responsible for what happens while reading these š
created by chelssicle
last updated August, 2026
Comments
Deciding if I should make a JD Vance joke or notā¦ā¦..
Do it. Do it. Do it.
this list makes me think of a tweet i received yesterday: "Women are horny in a sort of crushing incomprehensible horrific way that understandably men shy away from even attempting to come to grips with. Cosmically horny, if you will." (complimentary) šāāļø
When men aren't enough we have to go to the inanimate objects
The job will get done one way or another! šŖš½
Women have better imaginations
JD Vance would love this list
Love that it's not the first time he's been brought up
i'm dead šš I had no idea books like this existed lmao
The titles alone crack me up
Oh my gosh, I have to send this list to my cousin she has a group chat for the sole purpose of finding books like this (not my taste but itās definitely the group chats). Thank you š š
Me and a couple of long distance friends video-call for āsmut clubā pretty regularly and read these whole books āliveā together, giggling and gasping then discussing every couple of chapters. Weāre currently hooked on the Kyleverse series by Nicole Parker.
That actually sounds like such a vibe, if you start like a twitch stream or podcast or something count me in as a fan ahahah
The game Date Everything, but in book form? Sign me up! These would just be fun to try I think, probably really funny
They are not to be taken seriously lol But fun to read
I LOOOVE date everything! I had the same thought!
Literally was coming here to comment about Date Everything! My friends and I were JUST comparing our favorite characters to each other š
i feel like you and grapie on tiktok would be besties LMAO
I have a friend that reads them all and narrates them to us in a group chat because I don't think I could get through them but some how this makes it so much funnier?
LMAOOOO that sounds so fun. there's a podcast that reads them called "Say Smut?" i think these books are the best
That's SO funny I'll have to look it up
I've never been so jealous of a group chat? Y'all take applications to join? Or?
I came to this list thinking I wouldnāt have read any but Iāve read several and am now side eying myself š
I have a couple from here š
Idk if it counts by Cold Sweat by Vera Valentine is about the Kool-Aid Man š
I forgot about that one!
THE KOOL-AID MAN?? š«¢š«£
do you know the Kool-Aid man??? who lives on cherry lane?? In this book his name is Red and heās a sentient pitcher of Cherry Chill Assist Punch š
The flavor name is incredibly specific š
Proud of you
Lolol as a fellow sentient lister. Yesss I love this ššš
Kinda mad that this is my list getting the most attention lollll
our lists are very similar! i love the traction its getting!
Iām trying to keep it updated every month but thereās so many new ones š
I feel this sooo much. I just added some this month for now!!!
TAKEN BY CANADA ššš as a Canadian, this is hilarious šØš¦
I had to add it š
Amazing, Iām glad you did hahah gave me a good chuckle!
I saw Bubble Tea and I clicked and what did my Eleven eyes just witness
Have fuuuuuun!
This list is like a fever dream. Good and bad dreams. š
They are, at minimum, entertaining lolll
Really gotta add some Chuck Tingle, right?! (Also, this reminds me of the video game Date Everything)
I badly need to get that game! It's been on my wishlist for a while lol
My roommate and I beat it in July, and we had WAY too much fun. Highly recommend.
I love that there are multipe 5 star books in this list! The people know what they wantšāāļø
Listen, if the men can't do it for us might as well turn to objects
I have so many questions. Do I want answers is the question ... And I think the answer to that is no š«£
I think that you should read one to answer all your questions
As a Canadian, I'm concerned about what it means to be taken by Canada. š
That one is only 80 pages, you should find out šI did read some paragraphs and maple syrup was involved
I like how the very first one is: The deviled egg made me do it
TAKEN BY CANADA ššš as a Canadian, this is hilarious šØš¦
That mischievous grin is killing me
SEDUCED BY THE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE
I cant deal lmao
My Robo Gyno and Pounded in the butt by my own butt are definitely book titles
I just added those for a little spice :)
The first one I see āThe Deviled Egg Made me Do it.ā š® š³ š«£
Itās calling to you
Okay I just finished unhinged last night but I didn't find it weird enough, what would be your next suggestion? I don't scare easily so don't be afraid to recommend wild shit lol. I also had no idea there were SO many books like this and I'm here for it.
Try Squeak next and let us know how that goes!
